After an odd couple of weeks at work, I thought I would write about something that has been on my mind for a while. I’m not going to lie, the following post isn’t meant to be read by everyone… only those with an interest in office strategies. I’m not talking about career strategies… I’m talking about the strategies you use in everyday office life. This post is about using the office bathroom.
Your first week on the job, you will find a stall in the bathroom that you prefer over the others. Yours might be the handicap stall; I’m not a fan, the toilet paper is usually in an awkward position… or just a long ways away. I personally like having the TP on my left hand side, and that is usually the tie breaker between equally clean stalls. Of course, a well-flushed and cleaned stall is the most pivotal thing.
Now, you’ve got your stall picked out. What next? Getting the timing right. If you go into the restroom… you want to make sure that stall is going to be available. Why? Because it looks weird when you walk into a bathroom then walk right back out. So, if someone is in your stall… you’ve just be subjugated to an inferior stall. As with almost anything, timing is everything. Avoid the morning rush. Everybody uses the bathroom first thing when they get to work. I mean, why would you use the bathroom at home when you could use the bathroom at work, and get paid for it? You’re going to avoid that pitfall though. Wait until at least 9:30AM, but 10AM is probably your safest bet. You also have to avoid the post-break rush too. So, give an hour or two after lunch to use the bathroom… I usually wait until about 2PM.
What if your stall is occupied? Here a few tips for picking a backup:
  1. Always leave an unoccupied stall between you and whoever is else in there
  2. Avoid choosing a stall that has a mirror on the opposite wall.
  3. Avoid the stall closest to the door, people will assume the stench is yours
  4. Check for TP.
What if your floor is big enough to have multiple bathrooms? This can be a hard decision, but I’ve found a very good way to decide which to use. Go to the one furthest away from the engineers. Engineers never change. They were the gross ones in college, and they’re still the gross ones as they approach retirement age.
And, if you’re really going to ‘let one fly’… go to a different floor where no one will recognize you.